What is healing? What does it mean to be healed and how do you know if you or your coaching clients are truly healed from a traumatic experience?
Healing goes through three distinctive stages. Unfortunately, most therapies stop at stage two, and we wonder why people years later, even though they would swear that they had healed themselves, are still not healed.
It works like this. The first stage of becoming truly healed is awareness.
Stage One Of What Is Healing: Awareness
Awareness is the first step. Awareness means that you’re aware that something’s wrong.
There are a lot of people who aren’t aware that something is wrong. They may just be angry all the time, they’re irritable, or they’re always fighting, but they have no idea that they’re doing it. They are totally unconscious of the process.
I’ll give you an example of a cigarette smoker. They go about their day smoking 10-20 cigarettes or even more a day. Nothing is wrong until they start to cough up blood. Then they think, “Hey, maybe this is not so good for me?” So, now they’re aware.
Once you get awareness and if you decide to do some work on yourself, you go the second stage which is acceptance.
Stage Two: Acceptance
Stage two of the real definition of “what is healing” is acceptance. A lot of people go to therapy to get to a place of forgiveness. Apart from the fact that you’re not healed yet, there is nothing wrong with forgiveness. Forgiveness feels wonderful. When you can say, “I forgive you” and truly mean it, it feels good.
You feel a shift, a positive change in you, then you realise, “I’ve got forgiveness now… I can forgive you!”
That’s what acceptance is. You’ve accepted that it happened and you’re at a state of forgiveness now. And most therapies go, “Great! You can forgive them? Go out there and have a great life!”
Now, let’s say a person whom you’d never met me before in your life walked up to you and gave you $1 million worth of diamonds. They say, “There you go. That’s my gift to you. Do whatever you like with them.” Then they just walk off and you never see them again.
Are you going to forgive them for giving you those diamonds? Wouldn’t it defy logic to forgive them? What’s there to forgive? They gave you a bag of diamonds! What you’re really going to do is appreciate them.
When you get to a stage in your life where there is nothing to forgive, you’ve won the game. So, what does it mean to be healed? It means you are now your own best friend. So, the third and most important step of all healing is appreciation.
Stage 3: Appreciation
If you cannot get to appreciation, you have not healed. That is an absolute fact and here’s why.
When I think about this guy who molested me when I was six, in every cell of my body, I appreciate that experience.
I do not condone it. I do not want it to happen to anyone else. But now in my life, I fully appreciate it.
That’s because if he didn’t do that to me, nothing against public service, but that is where I’d be working right now. I would be working in a cubicle, in a tiny little office, working on a project that is meaningless to me, and I wouldn’t have a deep desire to do coaching for a living and changing people’s lives for the better. That traumatic experience is what made me the person that I am today.
If that didn’t happen, I believe that I wouldn’t be able to travel the world three months of the year, I wouldn’t have a beautiful partner, an incredible daughter, have a nice home – none of those things would be there. That’s because I would have just done what most people do, which is to follow their parents’ footsteps.
My mother is a nurse, my father is in the public service and my sister actually ended up being a nurse, and I would have probably ended up working in public service. So, thanks to that experience, my life has favourably changed.
Therefore, appreciation is the final step in knowing that you’ve been truly healed. If you or your coaching clients don’t get to appreciation, and all you’re saying is “I forgive this and I forgive that”, that’s fine, but you have not been truly healed.
What Is Healing? The 3 Stages To Know That You've Been Truly Healed – In Conclusion
In order to heal, you’ve got to appreciate and value your life’s experiences. And the best way to value anything is to get powerful learnings from it that you can use now and well into the future.
The most valuable thing a human being has is the wisdom they get from an experience. When you help them find the wisdom, they appreciate the experience. And the second that they appreciate it, they’ve healed themselves.
You can only be your own best friend by loving ALL of your life’s experiences. The good AND the bad. The depressions, the resentments, the anxieties, the frustrations – all of it is feedback to tell you how to live the most magnificent life possible.
But instead of listening to the feedback, people are trying to kill the feedback. They’re trying to medicate the feedback, they’re trying to traumatise the feedback, trying to hit it with nerve sticks, etc.
And the feedback’s like, “Why do you beat me up every day? There was a time when we used to be best friends! And now we don’t get along. You don’t even talk to me. And when you do, you’re swearing or you’re trying to knock me out with Valium or something.
I’m just trying to say, ‘Hey dude! Love yourself!’”
You have to start appreciating everything in your life. If there’s one thing in your past that you don’t appreciate, you are not truly healed.
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